Awesome Revelation!

You have probably read about my brother Les, who was tragically taken on the 22 December 2005. You would have read that I have not turned on the local radio station since that date for fear of hearing the songs that we sung. The only music I have listened to is gospel, which I have found very refreshing and definitely spirit lifting. I have numerous gospel tapes, most of which have been given to me by a friend at church. Then I have some other tapes that I've had for years, older looking tapes, tapes prepared by my late mother and sister, of poorer recording, which has caused me to keep them at the bottom of my pile. My mother was a strong prayer warrior for her family and had a close relationship with Jesus and was instrumental in my salvation. She loved her Father God very dearly and would often remind me that Jesus loves me too. Although I knew this, I did not grasp it as I should have because even though I had given my life, I still held Him at arms length. I clearly did not have what my mother had, the joy, the peace and the free love of Jesus Christ. She had surrendered her all to him, something I had not. I still held onto my fear of man, my lack of trust and all my bitterness. Then last week whilst I was setting off to drop my daughter at school, I reached into my centre console and chose a tape and happened to pull out the one that my mother had recorded. Curiosity caused me to insert it into the deck. It was then that I experienced an amazing truth. My mother introduced the music and as she spoke, I understood her heart for the first time, I understood the amazing love she felt for Jesus, I understood her undying faith and her unquenchable thirst for more and more. Her opening prayer was so sincere and so very deep. She died on the 31 January 2003, and although I was already a practicing Christian, I did not feel what she did. I sat in my car and sobbed as I realized I was now where she was then, and I could not even pick up the phone to share this awesome revelation with her.

This is a poem I wrote for her after a harsh reality check:

AFRAID
I've never felt so afraid
Cause I've known you're always there
I guess that's the way we're made
To worry we just don't care
Then suddenly reality becomes real
And God slowly takes you away
I don't know what to feel
As I need you with me to stay
But I know you're going home
To a place where you'll be free
And although I'll feel alone
I'm happy with where you will be

EPH 2:8
"It is the gift of God"

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