He sends angels... does my Lord Jesus Christ!

The phone rang at 03h00 on Saturday 12 Septermber. The loud ring in the quiet of the early morning startled me, and for a moment I could only stare at the flashing screen on my mobile, whislt my anxious heart beat faster and faster. Who was it, what has happened, what can it be, was this bad news...again? After the early morning call during late December 2005 from my twin sister, one that told of the sudden tragic death of my brother, I was scared.

I answered, and as I did, I heard news that made my heart sink to my feet. Surely this was not true, I must be dreaming, I need to wake from this nightmare. But as I pinched myself I knew that the horrific news was for real. It was the same anxious voice from 2005, my twin sister was on the other end blurting the terrible and unbelieveable news...Cheryl, Curtis is dead, Curtis has gone!!!

Curtis, her 21 year old son was driving home in his VW with a friend after dropping another friend home from a night out. As he approached and passed through a green traffic signal at a four-way intersection, he was struck on his right driver side, by a racing ambulance that also acknowledged a green light from his side. Both sides bore green lights? The ambulance shunted the helpless VW sideways across the road causing it to ride up a traffic light, fly into the air, hitting a huge over-hanging branch of a tree, before landing on its four wheels ontop of the now fallen and terribly broken traffic light. Curtis did not have a chance of survival and slumped over his steering wheel, was declared deceased at the scene. His lifeless body was removed from the wreck, after the door was removed, and placed immediately into a body bad for passage to the mortuary. His friend in the passenger seat was alive and was admitted to ICU and is today recovering from his physical wounds but emotionally..., will he ever be fully healed after losing his best friend?

..

The funeral followed on the Thursday with an amazing attendance, evidence of the popular boy Curtis was. Obviously it was an extremely emotional time and one I pray that I will never have to experience with my own.

I wrote a poem for Curtis and spoke, as difficult as it was, at his funeral. I brought Jesus into what I shared with beautiful illustrations. I spoke about how Jesus only picks his best flowers in full bloom and how He must be fighting one heck of a war up in the heavenlies to be taking so many young men. I spoke of how gorgeous Curtis looked the last time I saw him in his work attire and could only imagine that he must look even more so in his righteous armour.

This is the poem I wrote for him, one I shared at the funeral too:

His character was bold and strong

The light and soul of many an event

And although he didn't stay long

Curtis won hearts wherever he went

He was such a mature young lad

Only just having turned twenty one

A strong willed boy but not bad

An amazing loving brother and son

He knew of trials and the ride

Of the life we all wrestle in today

But he took it all in his stride

Always finding and managing his way

And although he is no longer here

His memory will live on forever

Because always in our hearts he'll stay near

And to forget him we will never

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Romans 14:28 (NKJV)

For if we live, we live to the Lord: and if we die, we die to the Lord

I don't know where his heart was with Jesus, and it's not for me or for any to judge or assume because God is the only Judge and the only one who knows our destiny, even for us who believe and hope for our promised eternal gift.

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But what I do know, is that Jesus loves each and every one of us the same, regardless of the lives we have led and I believe that before He takes any home, he seeks our hearts one last time and offers us His Kingdom to share with him. I believe that Curtis was ready by God's will for the picking and I believe that God sent an angel to him before he passed away. And this I know because of a story I was told after the funeral by one of my sister's friends, a story clearly sent by God for my spiritual ears.

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There was a guy unknown to any who was sitting in one of the back rows of the church near this lady. During the service, which by the way was definately heaven sent and submitted to our Pastor who was clearly annoited with the message he shared, this guy introduced himself. He apparently said, "I am a police reservist and I held Curtis before he died". Before she could get a name and number, he was gone and was not to be found again. How could this be when Curtis was declared deceased at the scene before he was removed from the VW. He was clearly an angel who was sent by God to allow us knowledge that our darling Curtis was not alone, he was with his angel who was sent by our amazing Father God who loves Curtis as much as He loves you and me, a love so huge and beyond our imaginations.

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How wonderfully awesome He is, our Lord, Father and God.

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Oh Lord, I want to thank You for loving Curtis the way You do, for sending his angel to hold him and to share Your amazing awesome love with him. And sweet Jesus, You can see the broken hearts that have been left behind and I just pray that Your hand would be over all his family to hold them and allow them to know and feel the unconditional love that You have for them. I pray that they would allow You to take their pain and replace it with Your amazing peace. I love You Jesus and I ask for Your continued protection over us all, in Your precious name I pray, amen.

My Lord, my Redeemer... the faithful "I am"!

In May, a situation arose that rendered it necessary for me to go to the UK to be with my boys. They needed me to be close to go through some rough waters with them, and my older son, made it possible for the visit to happen.

When they arrived in the UK in 2002, they walked, as young boys, into a world unfamiliar to what they were used to, without any Godly influence to guide them in the ways they should go, away from the evils that were lurking and anxious to draw them into those deep dark unknown places. Because of this, they spent many years enduring pains and situations that they did not deserve. They were forced to grow up before their time. It has been a long tough journey and I praise God for the young men they have turned out to be, because, with all they have suffered, they are still well mannered, considerate, responsible and decent guys. Sadly, their heart strings have been messed with so loving is not something they do so easy for fear of being torn apart...That's a little history of where they have been and what they have been through.

So, the bottom line is, they have not had any live in or around Christian influences and so drew away from the God that has never left them. Both boys gave their lives of their own free will when they lived in Zimbabwe and so have always had their Creator holding them in the palm of His hands, keeping them safely away from the edges. He has allowed them to run freely in His palm, knowing that one day they would see Him again and return to the place where He needs them to be because He is a faithful and loving God who wants all His children with Him in His Kingdom when Jesus returns.

I believe that God orchestrated my visit for His glory in that He guided me to a specific church that housed a good friend of my older son. I went to the church on my own and my son, on picking me up, met this friend who thereafter invited him to a mens breakfast. He went along and took his brother, my younger son, and his dad with him. This was the start of a beautiful new begining. This all happened after I had been and left again.

Since all this, my younger son, who once suggested that he would like to be a pastor when he grew up, has recommitted his life to His Father and Lord, Jesus Christ, and is loving being in the hub of fellowship with other Christians who love Jesus too. He is moving forward at a rate of knots that only God can control and it is absolutlely wonderful. Without a doubt, God is drawing my older son in and I know that in His time, he will find the joy in the Lord that he so needs.

I am very proud of my boys and my beautiful daughter who loves Jesus and follows His will in her life. I am so very blessed and I thank my Jesus, my Redeemer, my Lord and Creator for His faithfulness in bringing my boys, His children, back to the place that they need to be in Him.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, thank You for the unconditional love that You have for us and for never letting go of Your own. Your faithfulness is a saving grace and is what I hold onto very tightly because it is in You that I trust and You alone. You are an amazing God and I pray that we would forever rememeber this in everything we do say and think and I pray that we would forever rightfully glorify Your name and never forget that You are in control...total control.Thank You for the life I enjoy in You and for the blessings of my husband and children whom I love so dearly I love You Jesus and I pray all this in Your precious name, amen.

DESIRES OF THE HEART!

From as far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed the sounds that guitars produce, be them bass, electric, aucostic, bango and so on. Hence my hooked on guitar CD's. Howewver, it never dawned on me that I could possibly play so it never happened that I attempted to learn.

And, I have always loved music, from childhood up till now. I sing at any given opportunity, be it a singalong with songs on the radio, or in melody with a song on CD, or in melody with the leader of our worship team and so on, I just love to sing.

Then, writing is a gift I've accepted, acknowledged and love. I write Christian inspirational for my Redeemer Jesus Christ. One of my loves of writing is poetry and songwriting. Although with my songwriting, I am unable to put music to most which is very frustrating. When I have sought help it turns out that people take my words for their own benefit and claim them as theirs, so I have been put off asking for help. My songs are written from deep emotional aspects of my life and it is my desire to sing them myself, not to pass on for others who would not sing with the same depth and understanding I would.

Right, now that all my cards for this story are on the table, I can share what I really want to.

I asked at church if anyone had an old aucostic guitar lying around that I could borrow and try learn to play. Sean said yes and so brought it in for me to use. I was so very excited when I carried it off to my car to take home. My intention was to teach myself over the internet cause I am not able to afford lessons. I happened to mention this to Daan who is a renowned musican at church and he invited me for lessons with him... for free. Whoopee!

So, I am learning the instrument that I love the most and am praying that God will make it possible for me to learn and play.

I am sure this is what God intends for us to do, to pick up on desires that He lays on our hearts so that He can enjoy as we learn. I believe that the way this all happened is from God, that He placed the appropriate people in my path for His benefit because, as the Creator of all, I know that He enjoys music and would love for me to play and sing and continue to write more songs, to glorify His almighty and awesome name. I say this cause all the songs I have are about Him and His presence in my life.

Thank you Lord for the gifts You bestow on us, for the Creator that You are and for Your love of us as we live to glorify Your amazing name. InJesus name I pray, amen.

NO CHOICE!

Yesterday I made history as I received my first traffic fine, first that I can ever recall that is.

We have been living here in Durban for nearly six years and we drove down here in our two Zimbabwe registered vehicles. They were fully paid for at the time so we figured that it was worth importing them because we would not be able to afford new ones.

We arrived with the good intentions of registering our vehicles as soon as possible, after sorting our residency first that was. Well, that cost a load of money so we had to wait a while to get more money in. So, we put our priority's in order, we'd buy a house and thereafter we would sort our cars out with the monies left over, however, there was none left, we just made the deposit requirement. Okay, so our residency was in the process of being sorted and was paid for, we now had a house which offered a level of security, so the wait was on for the little extra to sort our cars.

Then we started having real bad money problems, to the point a church was helping us with groceries and school fees, so the wait was on again. We had no choice, we were unable to do anything with our cars. The law is that if a vehicle is not licensed, you should not drive it, well, we had no choice, we had to step out of line with the law because if we stopped driving, we would have stopped living. So we basically drove around just praying that we would not get caught. We prayed but did not think about God's hand continuously over our cars, we just took it for granted and did not think to give specific thanks on a regular basis, but still prayed.

This situation prevailed for over five years, I would get the documents in order and be ready to submit them, believing it was all go with the money ready, then wham, we'd hit another financial dilemma. During all this time, we were never stopped by the police, even though we passed through many road blocks, somehow they just never bothered with us, until this last week. I was the only car on the road and they had no body else to stop so I was it. I was asked if the vehicle was licensed and I could of easily lied but I find the truth much easier to tell. The truth earned me a R600.00 fine, which upset me profusely.

Anyway, later on in the day, I found myself giving thanks for this being the first and only time in the past five years, for being protected for so long. I decided to get to the licencing office that afternoon and found out that we have to pay the last two years licence fees, a huge amount of money which we don't have, for which again I gave thanks. We got away with nearly six years which would have been a whole lot more, what a blessing.

So in all my worry and concern, God met me at the end of my upset and allowed me to see the situation for what it was, a blessing. And although we are once again in that horrible place of watching every last cent, I am beyond worrying because I realised that God has looked after us the whole way through, why would he suddenly stop now when the need was more dire.

Thank You Lord Jesus, for being with us, even when we did not acknowledge You were there, for Your constant blessings that have taken us five years to realise. Thank You for this learning curve and for showing me that You are always close, at the time I most needed to see this truth. You are an awesome God and I will love You forever. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

BACK SEAT!

Galatians 3:26-28 (NKJV)
Sons and Heirs
26 For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Many believe if they surrender their lives that's it, they have a free ticket into heaven without any further to do. Well, sorry to be a bubble burster, but that is not exactly true.

You see, giving your life is just one part of a special journey, before baptism, to that awesome place of eternal hope called 'Heaven'. It is part of a process that should bring us closer to a wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ. I say should because when we choose to be baptized, it is because of a desire that God implants into our hearts after we have surrendered our lives to Him and accepted Him as our Redeemer.

I am able to say this because I was guilty of doing the lawful deed that the church required. I only gave my life and believed it was all that was required. I continued to live the way I always did, of the world, however, I suffered conviction like never before, and did not understand why.

You see, you can't give to God and expect to take back, it does not work. He takes what you give Him and holds onto it forever, and as He holds He works. His ways are not like that of man and so every time you step out of line, He lets you know supernaturally. He then guides you the right way. We can choose to accept His way or we can continue on our own.

I, for quite some time, held onto what I thought was right. Consequently, I kept on suffering on my own with no way of relieving the stress. I never read my bible or sought any help from the church because I stopped attending, as there seemed to be better ways to spent my time. My life continued the same, without any of the blissful fruit that God so wanted me to enjoy from Him.

God placed the appropriate people of His choice in my way. In time, conviction drove me closer to God and I started attending church again because of an inner desire to seek what I did not really understand. I started to understand my convictions and where they were coming from. Instead of following the ways of man, I adopted a new way of life, the life that Jesus was so desperately wanting me to lead. It was not long before the fruits of righteousness started tasting so good, to the point where I wanted them more and more.

I grew closer and closer until being baptized in the Holy Spirit did not come as a command from the church, but rather as a deep desire of my heart. I desired to die of old and be born into newness with God. I needed to be faithful to Him and not lawful to man as before.

Now, when I stumble, I love the conviction I suffer because it helps me to refocus on where and what and how I should be, and God's loving arms have become a place I love to rest after a fall.

So, the moral of this story is, don't stop just because you believe the road ends and you do not need to move on, on the contrary, the road does not end at all, it just gets narrower and you need to focus more and keep your eyes on it. It gets narrower as you move closer to God, but as it thins out, so God grows bigger in you as He takes over the controls of your life. He becomes your driver so that you can take a back seat and trust in His lead.

Lord Jesus, thank You for being the driver of my life, and for allowing me to be the passenger I need to be. However, please forgive me for the times when I try to step in and take over again, and as I do, put me back into the backseat where I belong, in Jesus name I pray, amen.

I LET MY GUARD DOWN!

As the glands in my neck expanded, so the pain crept in, this was the start of my Monday morning. It was not too bad, although swallowing what seemed to be rough germ balls was no fun. My left ear felt like it had a blowtorch that triggered every time a swallow was initiated. Somewhat uncomfortable but livable.

This continued through to Tuesday and by evening I felt that the germs had lost me, their victim, after defeat by the vitamin C that I had absorbed in tablet form. So, I let my guard down and stopped all the defense devices that I had implemented. I then got on the phone and spent a good 30 minutes plus talking and laughing so much, not even thinking about my recent viral enemy.

Wednesday began with the start of a nightmare. The glands in my throat had been attacked during the night, whilst there was no defense force in sight. They were severely swollen leaving less than a narrow passage for food, but more so, for speech and swallowing. Every swallow accommodated huge sand paper coated fireballs. They arrived from nowhere and landed at the back of my tongue causing a need to swallow. As the muscles in the throat adhered to this need, the fire balls rolled down and back up as if on a mission to cause as much pain as possible. The blowtorch in my ear had divided and was now blowing continuous streams of fire from the base of both ears right to the opening. This was a raging battle and one I knew I had to now live out all because I let my guard down. By midday, there was no speech that was able to exit and the fire balls intensified in size and numbers..., it was horrific.

Thursday rolled in after a sleepless pain staking night, and by now the fireballs had improved their design to make their attack as effectively awful as possible. They had moved into the chest cavity and had managed to secure what seemed like bungee ropes onto the base of the chest. Their weaponry had improved too as the sandpaper had been replaced with ferocious killer like spikes. They lined up in huge numbers with a strategy plan that brought tears to my eyes. It was as if they all jumped around together, achieving their desire of creating an itchy scratchy irritation which caused the inevitable..., a cough. This allowed air to leave my lungs creating a vortex that flung them up and through the vocal passage and into and out the throat area. Just as they reached the mouth opening, the bungee cord forced them to retract and forcibly retreat back down the vocal passage. During their flight, both ways, the spikes ripped into the surrounding swollen gland tissue, savagely throwing raging burning flames, as fireballs do.

I tried not to cough or swallow but was losing terribly. The vitamin C was being pumped back into my system but the army of these vitamins had a lot of work to do to achieve the fighting force needed to swamp and drown the disease riddled germ spiked fireballs.

Then came Friday with the ensuing battle still raging inside of me. This battle was exhausting and sleep a difficult task. The vicious fireballs continued their attack whilst the vitamin C was building an internal firewall that would hopefully resort them to nothingness. Most importantly though, would be the answer to the prayers for my healing.

Saturday dawned and the nasty fireballs had lost so much power that speech, swallowing, yawning and eating had become somewhat easier. Their army was dwindling, they were being defeated and their immense power was diminishing. By Saturday evening, the only thing left was brusied open wounded tissues and a sore throat. Nothing in comparrison to the nightmare those viral spiky fireball germs had caused.

It seemed evident to me that I let my guard down, but Idid not, it was my loving awesome Father God who was blessing me with special time that He needed me to focus on Him. During those days that I was resorted to no speech and my bed, I was spirtually blessed with desires to write as God needs me to write. Having experienced a recent dry spell with writing and feeling that maybe God had given up on me as a chosen writer for Him, He allowed me to be in a rest induced place where I could not talk, but rather be still and rest in Him. I spend 2 1/2 days in bed, and during that time, I did not focus too much on the uncomfortable pain, but more on the desired inspirations to write and write, which I did for the glory of Jesus Christ. I believe He allowed this dilema because He needed me to be still and know that above all, He is God and He still requires me to write to glorify His name. I wrote more during this time than I have written in the last 3 months, for which I praise and thank my wonderful Heavenly Father God. I have no regrets of the fireball nightmare, only endless praises to God, for allowing me the wonderful time I enjoyed with Him.

So, when you think you are losing, know that in Christ you will never lose, for as long as you allow Him to work His will in You, you can comfortably rest in Him. In Him is the place that He wants you and me to be, no matter what battle may be raging in or around you.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.

HE WILL BE.... FOREVER !

On the 23 October, I wrote about a crash without the smash. After that, I proceeded to prepare for the callings of all those family and self things we do before we lay our heads down to rest at night. I went inside, ran a bath, was milling around when the phone rang.

Mike, my husband, (out of character) jumped up before any of us could to answer it, presumably as I thought because he was expecting a call. But it was not for him, it was for me. My older son Dustyn, who lives in the UK, was on the other end.

I always enjoy hearing from my boys, especially that we live so far apart with as much as 5 years between our last time together. So I walked over to speak to him. He had been dealing with some issues over there and it seemed as we spoke that he was encountering some more of the same.

He started by saying, "Hi mom..., mom, we have a problem in that we have no where to stay again for the next 3 1/2 weeks."

I answered, "oh no my darling, what now?" He continued, "well if you come and open the gate, I'll tell you all about it." Then he hooted and I heard the hooter over the telephone line.... and outside too. Insanity took over and I put the phone down and started wrecklessly screaming "Dustyn is here, he's at the gate." Cherise, Dustyn's younger sister, just stood staring, total disbelief in her face, "is this true', her eyes were asking with dead pan expression?

Mike was totally flustered and irritated by my behaviour, and threatened to beat the scream out of me and insisted that he was not opening the gate until I shut up, but I couldn't, this was too much for my mind to fathom. Goodness, I had not seen my son for 5 years plus. How could any mother be expected to behave in a sane manner. Cherise too, how could she behave like a good child, this was her brother at the gate, come on, get real!

The screaming eventually subsided and the door was opened so that we could open the gate for Dustyn. When I saw him, I ran and jumped on him and held on, just in case this was an illusion, I was not going to allow it to get away from me..., no way. He held onto me but could only laugh at how I was behaving. The last time I saw him he was a young lad of 18, now he was a man of 23..., wow. However, in saying this, I still saw the boy that I remembered.

He had decided to surprise me but Mike knew all about his intentions and of course planned it with him. What an awesome thing to do, what a wonderful way to cause happiness in my life. He stayed 3 1/2 weeks, had a wonderful time, and is now back home in the UK.

My younger son Cheyne, whom I also only saw about 5 years ago at the age of 16, is expected to be here early next year for a visit too, he is 21 going on for 22. Obviously I can't wait and maybe, just maybe he'll like it that much that he will consider moving back to this part of the world so that we can be together again.

Living apart has been very painful, the void in my heart growing over time into a huge wound infected cavity, with exposure of the 'apart' truth a painful daily reality. Sure, technology makes it so we can talk as much as we want and with webcams we can even watch live videos of each other, but it does not take away the pain of not being able to share the one on one quality time, the physical touch, to see their gorgeous faces in front of me, it's just not the same.

But with God, I don't feel that pain, I don't feel lonely, I don't wonder when I'm going to see Him again or if He will be online for me to talk to, I don't feel empty and don't sit and long for just a while together again. And that's because where ever I am, God is. He hears when I call and is able to fill any voids that may be exposed. He is able to satisfy any need I may have to spend some unexpected time with Him because He is forever available and waits on me to call Him when I feel needy. He is the essense of my fullness and with Him in my space, and me in His pasture, I feel no need for anything but more of Him.

So, it don't matter where I am, I will never be alone without God in close..., very close proximity. He knows my pain and is the only one that knows how to fill my deep inner needs when I am missing my boys or when I just feel down and in need of some REAL love.

The moral of this story is even though you may be away from your loved ones, God, the one who loves you more than any other, your Father eternal and amazing creator, is forever with you as He guides you to become His sheep in His awesome pasture. Go on..., call on Him and He will prove what I am saying as true.

Psalm 95:7
For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.

'BUMP... WITHOUT CRUNCH'

I have oh such an amazing story to share once again!

This one is about praying to Jesus, whom I trust in answering prayers that seek His divine intervention. Of how God honours His children and is always faithfully 'Immanuel', "God with us".

A couple of weeks ago, I was praying as usual for protection over my family, and on that day, without thinking anything of it, I prayed specifically for protection over our vehicles.

I don't normally pray for our cars as I am not in the habit of expecting our cars to suffer, heartache, pain, fatigue, or anything that us humans do.

Anyway, my day went on as usual, I went to work, achieved lots, stayed safe, and felt relaxed. Why wouldn't I, after my usual daily prayers of asking God to keep us all safe in the comfortable protection of Jesus' arms.

Arrangements for that day changed with regards the pick up of my daughter, for reasons that I can't recall. We needed to go shopping and I had to park in a parking spot I don't normally park in, because the parking lot was extremely busy. Whilst in the shops, we bumped into my bosses wife, whom my daughter had not yet met. Introductions were made, a little chit chat ensued, goodbyes expressed, and then we commenced in opposite directions with our shopping.

We checked out our shopping, paid the bill, and then walked out and over to the parking lot to my car. Whilst crossing the road, my bosses wife was driving out, she stopped her car for us to pass and I made a comment that we should stop bumping into each other like this. Her reply was, "it's a good thing we are not 'literally' bumping into each other". We laughed and continued once again on our different ways.

It was unusual for me to park my car forward into the bay. I normally reverse, especially after taking a course on defensive driving techniques against possible hijackers. I also find driving forward out of a parking more comfortable in the way of 360 vision.

On my drivers side, there was a huge double cab parked in reverse and the driver was sitting way above me, also waiting on traffic. It was a one way which made getting out the bay that much easier as cars only came from the right or behind.

I put my car into reverse, checked if it was clear and noticed that the car behind me was also reversing, so I went back into drive and moved forward. He did the same. I waited a while and it seemed he was waiting for me so I shifted gears to reverse. I started moving back but noticed that he was again doing the same. I quickly switched back to drive and was moving forward when suddenly I was hit from the left. It was a hard bump with the sound of crunching metal very obvious. My daughter and I felt the jolt and both had instantly huge white areas surrounding the iris of our eyes.

My head fell into my steering wheel, I desperately tried to hold back tears as I immediately thought about the insurance cover I did not have, about my car being unlicensed due to the foreign registration still pending, about the lack of monetary resources to even think about repairing my car.

Then I heard the guy in the double cab next to me shout out, "that man was not even looking, he just reversed straight back into you". Then another guy came running from across the parking lot and still another two different people, all claiming they saw what happened and that he was without doubt in the wrong. Of course the man who bumped me was in total denial, claiming it was all my fault.

I reluctantly got out my vehicle and started to move around to the passenger side to where the damage had been inflicted. The first image I saw was his car, this made me grimace and feel sick inside my stomach. His car was crunched quite badly, an indication of what I was not looking forward to with the inevitable damage on mine.

I walked slowly around, wishing someone would wake me from this nightmare, I walked and looked and kept walking and looking, dreading what my eyes were about to reveal. As I peered around, I could not believe what I was seeing, no damage at all, no crunched metal, nothing except a mark only just visible to the naked eye.

Unbelievable, a huge 'bump... without crunch'!

Now I really wanted to cry but this time for joy. I immediately praised God, thanking him profusely for Immanuel, 'God with us'.

I learnt from this experience that God sometimes gives us reason to pray specifically, just so He can show off His amazing love of us. He needs us to keep the faith and trust in what we ask, for He will honour and bless us for as long as we seek and live by His will.

Isaiah 8:8-15 (NKJV)
He will pass through Judah,
He will overflow and pass over,
He will reach up to the neck;
And the stretching out of his wings
Will fill the breadth of Your land,
O Immanuel

UNREHEARSED 'SOLO' MELODY!

Singing out loud has forever been a passion of mine. As a child I would learn the words, with ease, to all radio and television advertisements and songs, and sing along in melody with the artist. My siblings would complain and ask my mother to please put a plug in me, which she did in the way of LOUD 'shush' words. I realise it must have been annoying for them, but it was something I could not help, and still can't to this day. I just love to sing and if I hear it, and know it, I will sing without even realising.

I am truly blessed to be on the worship team at church, not because I think I can sing, but because of my passion. The enjoyment I get is when members of the congregation approach me and insist that they can see how much I love to worship. This makes me feel so good, just knowing that my love of singing is so obvious, especially as its songs that worship our Lord Jesus. This causes me to feel extreme humble joy and reminds me to give thanks to God, for it is only by His grace that I am on the worship team, with a willing voice, singing for Him.

I sing sometimes twice a month and we practice on Saturday mornings and then early Sunday before church, and wow do we have awesome fun, I just love it. We sing for the two morning services, and then a different team prepares for the evening one.

Anyway, I answer to the leader who tells me when, how and all that stuff. Because I sing melody, I follow them as best I can and learn to do this during practice. Sometimes I record the practice and then perfect it as best I can at home. However, there have been times that the leader will change the course, during the service, when I don't expect it, and I try follow as best I can without looking lost.

Then, what happens to most singers alike, in choirs and teams like ours, is what I experienced first hand...,we make unintentional unrehearsed solo mistakes. There we were, in the third song of the morning and the pianist started with the wonderful intro, and I as usual watched the mouth of the leader to see when to come in. This time though, I think I must have imagined his mouth moving because mine started, with sound, without him. As I started, so the congregation joined in with me. As I witnessed his silence and still mouth, so I went silent too, leaving the congregation hanging in a place of not knowing what was next. I felt the blood rushing to my face and was told afterwards that my blushing was very deep and obvious.

We had such a laugh as a team and the leader suggested afterwards, with a playful smirk of course, that my solo was nice.

What I learned from this experience, is that as much as we try and rehearse our lives according to how we believe God needs us to live, there will be times when we go solo without intending to do so. And I pray you will know, just as my worship leader expressed joy at my error, that God does too, for as long as we realise our mistake, stop in our tracks, and return to fall in melody behind Him again. It is through our mistakes that we learn to lean on Him more. After all, He is our solo Leader and Creator of everything, and the only melodious and wonderful way we should ever follow.

Ephesians 5:19 (NRSV)
as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts.

Sharing my boy stories!

This is a short video clip of my late darling Manx cat Kiara. As the clip clearly reveals, this boy was a joyful, funloving, cuddly, adorable and affectionate creation of our Mighty Lord. A little creation that offered unconditional love and a means of making life that much more desireable to share, for a wonderful period of just over 3 years.

In a previous post, I shared the tragic death of my other loveable Manx cat, Narla, who was attacked by dogs next door, dying two days later on the 20 June 2003. His death sent me into deep mourning for nearly a year. I figured later that because Narla was such a major distraction in my life, a distraction that kept me from my needful focus on God and then my family, I needed to reacess my priorities, put them in order and start living the life I needed to, firstly for Jesus and then my family. I did just that and I grew spiritually which helped me get over my mourning.

I still have one surviving Manx, Simba. This cat, unlike the other two, has a mind of his own and dictates when he is ready for any form of affection, rules by which we have learned to live. I had decided that the death of Narla was just too much and asked that my family kindly refrain from any attempts to replace him to which they agreed and stuck to this plea. Until October 2oo4, when Kiara revealed his cute self through a friend of my husband. He was conned into my hands and once I saw him, there was no turning back, I was sold.

Then on the 4 May 2008, the dog on the opposite boundary attacked Kiara, who then died from his injuries two days later, on the 6 May. I was once again torn apart with grief, but this time I gave my pain to God who took it and relieved me of the intensity that I had felt with Narla. By already having Jesus Christ as the number one priority in my life, understanding and dealing with my pain was a lot easier with His arms lovingly surrounding me.

Grief is a natural emotion which should be expressed to release the tension and pain deep within. However, when you ask God to help you cope, He eagerly steps in and endures the brunt of it, allowing you the space to cry within the safe, warm and welcome comfort of His arms. So, even though the pain is still there, God is in front of it, blocking out the deathly devastation that evil forces still desire to inflict on me. As I make Jesus my number 1, He makes protecting me His priority in my times of need, together with every other time too.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NRSV) The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Dry Period!

Let me explain that..., I have basically had soooo much happening which left me with a busy, unsettled and confused mind, rendering me at a loss to keep journals. Actually, should never have stopped in the first place, I know. But now I've had plenty time to re-adjust, and will endeavour to share as much as possible since my 'Dry Period' absence.

Where to start?

Okay, let me share one of the the most exciting events. In 2007, my husband attended the Mighty Men's Conference led by Angus Buchan. From that encounter he went from arrogantly lost to humbly found. The Holy Spirit moved into the empty space in his heart and has since then, transformed his life to one where he is a lover and believer of Jesus Christ. He loves life like never before because God has caused him to feel and enjoy unconditional love like he did not know.

He delves into, has faith in, believes in and follows the word of the Lamb. He is experiencing so much in faith and feels the works of God in his life.I am not in any way stating that my husband has suddenly become perfect, because he is still only human and as prone as we all are to sin. But now he suffers conviction of wrongs which is moulding him to the ways of His Heavenly Father.God has blessed me with the Christian man I prayed so long for, and I praise Him and glorify His precious name.

So, although I may experience dry periods in writing, my Lord Jesus Christ is ensuring that the Godly river flowing through my husband keeps me in the place every wife of a God driven husband needs to be, submissively honourable. (okay so I'm still a beginner but truly loving this new way of life that is clearly being controlled by God).

Lord Jesus, thank You for blessing me with the husband You so needed me to have in You. Thank You for answered prayers which have humbled him to be Your faithful servant. I pray that we would both continue to grow in You, in the rightful roles You have designed for us to live. I pray too for all marriages that are not yet fitting Your perfect design, that You would direct them within Your will, in Jesus name I pray amen.

1 Peter 5:5 (NRSV)
In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you must clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another, for, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Had It!
Before I signed in today, I had it, an awesome story to share, but because I left it, it's gone, leaving me with a supposed empty mind.

However, in saying that, I have prayed for God to give me something.......nothing yet so I will just wait..., excuse me whilst I wait on Him......................!

..................It's been about two minutes, although you will not feel the time I spent listening to my Heavenly Father. What came to mind is about a friend I have acquired through an online Ezine that we both write for, namely, 4Him2U. She is a wonderful lady, and as I have read between the lines in her emails and our online bible studies, I have noticed a bubbly expression. So, I perceive that her and I come from a similar creative streak within God's design of man in His image.

All the contributing writers are awesome ladies, all with wonderful different designs. However, He gave my new friend and I both curly hair, and after an email discussion, I was inspired to write this poem for us and all those blessed with whatever hair God designed.

PURELY CURLY!
For every single hair on our head
God’s finger on every one did tread
He gave some just a straight line
And others lots of curl like mine
Then with some He created a wave
All these in many colours He gave
To those blessed with it all straight
I wonder what character they dictate
And those He gave a simple wave
Don’t know what manner they behave
But one thing I know about my curls
Is that every one twists and twirls
With every curl hosting a bubble of joy
Of playful mischief and a happy ploy
So I thank God for my curly story
And to Him give all praise and glory!

Luke 12:7 (NKJV)
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

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The message here is no matter who you are and what design God blessed you with, He loves you so much and values you as His own special creation. So, if you feel sometimes that you don't like the hair on your head, or the freckles on you nose, or your flat feet, or your long fingers, or your round face, or whatever it may be, just remember, you were specially crafted by the one who adores you more than you will ever imagine, so much so that He even died a gruesome death, just to save you from Hell. His name,....Jesus Christ.

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Oh Lord, our wonderful Jesus Christ, thank you for how we are made in Your imagine, perfect in Your eyes. Not how man perceives, but rather as You perceive. Let us forever acknowledge that it is not about us and our critical views, or other man's critics, but rather about You and the hope we have in Your love, acceptance and eternal gift. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Passwords!
Compliments of this wonderful New Year to all you, my readers, and may the choice love of Jesus Christ not be your New Years resolution, but rather a deep desire within the deepest part of your being.

I was trying to log into this account and had to reset my password. The reason being is that I have many sites and many passwords and often fail to remember who what or why! Anyway, I learnt some time ago to write them all down so that if I do forget, I can check back on my list. Obviously this form of recollection worked because here I am telling you about it. However, it took time and wasted valuable time that I could have been writing.

Imagine if God had the same brain as us and had to write our names down because of constant memory loss. This world would be in total chaos because He would be so busy checking up on who prayed what or who did whatever or who is that, and so on. He would not have time to answer the prayers that He so faithfully does, and He would not have time to comfort us in times of dire need, and He would not have time to even listen to our desperate pleas, disasters would inevitably prevail!

So when I was hunting for my password, I felt a need to share some amazing facts about our Lord Jesus Christ and His mightiness:

• We will never be what He is!
• We will never know what He knows!
• We will never see what He sees!
• We will never understand life as He does!
• We will never be perfect like Him!
• We will never have the amazing powers He has!
• We will never be flawless like Him!
• We will never love like He loves!
• And we will never have His brain or His memory!

The list of His mightiness is endless, and I praise Him that He knows us each by name as well as the hairs on our heads. His love is so immense and intense for us His children. The point I am trying to reach is that I am so very grateful that I am more than a password to Jesus Christ, I am His child and He knows my name, just like you are His child and He knows your name too, and He will never forget them and will never have to look them up.

John 10:3 "To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out." Matthew 10:30 "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (NKJV)

Lord Father, thank you that we are not passwords to forget. Thank you that You know us by name and that whenever we call on You, You are faithfully there without delay.We love You Lord, more than anything ever, in Jesus name we pray, amen.

I Am in Him!
This is a picture of a group of people that I am having the pleasure of paticipating in an Alpha course with.

We have just enjoyed the 'weekend away' part of the course, and what an awesome time we had. What wonderful people, and what a great reason to be together, to learn about who, what and why God is.

The one thing I am learning, especially after our weekend away, is how to feel free in the character God made me, in Him. There are times in my life when I have felt embarrassed of my outgoing, sometimes wild personality, which has reduced me to behave like the mouse I am not. When this happens, I feel wrongfully dubbed, and can easily come across as a miserable piece of boring person. All because I see 'The Look' or even hear 'The Look', which I believe often causes my low self esteem.

However, it would seem that God is placing me in situations and with people who give me the ease to feel free about who I am in Him, like our awesome Alpha group. I believe God needs us to behave as He made us because how else can He enjoy what He created. I feel this is a problem with society on a whole because so many, like me, feel the need to impress man as opposed to the God who created us. We are not here for mans enjoyment, but rather for the enjoyment of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I love bright happy colours, I love my family, I love people, I love expressing joyful expressions both physical and verbal, I love all nature, the animals, flowers, sunshine, raindrops, and most of all, I love my Lord Jesus Christ. I enjoy sharing the continuous happy bubbles that patiently float inside my spirit before they exit and burst and spread their full glorious joyful, and often loud contents. I feel I have a playful but harmless mischevious spirit from God, which some label as childish, but I claim as funloving.

The point I'm trying to make is that God wants us to be in Him what He desires, He wants us to express who we are in Him. He made some quite which is great, some loud which is also great, some come across as boring, but they too are great to Him. So whatever you may be, don't worry about the opinion of man, rather be who you feel you need to be in Jesus, and give Him all the glory for making you perfectly for His own desires. You are perfect in God, just as I am in Him too.

SAME!
Just imagine if we were all the same
If we all answered to a common name
What kind of world would this be
If I looked at you and saw me
How would we look and talk
If we all had the same kind of walk
Just think it would drive us mad
If one were we would all be sad
So lets be thankful we’re not the same
Cause if we were it would be such a shame

....

Lord, we thank you that You made us all different, for Your specific purpose. Those You made serious for maybe logical behaviour, and those whom you made playful to brighten dull days. Lord, whoever we are and whatever our character, we pray that we would forever strive to be what and who we are in You. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Their loss..., not mine!

I write a weekly devotional and send it to all friends, and others in my email address book. On initiation of these, I suggested that anyone not desiring to receive this literature should reply with a 'no thanks'. One person did, my pastor from home. Nobody else did so I presumed that everyone else would be happy to receive a little inspiration from God each week.

Then as time has moved on, every now and then I get a hint from one of my friends that they are nice but!!!

I start getting agitated excuses like, "I know God but don't have to go to church to prove it", and, "God knows me and knows that I am a good person", and, "my mother is a Christian and I find her so annoying", and, "thanks but have not had time to read because I am so busy", and, the latest was, "please stop sending your 'church' mail because it clogs up my inbox".

The reality is, I don't need to hear any excuses because I am in no way offended if one does not want to receive my devotionals. Also I am not God and not open to judge. It is no loss to me if they reject messages given to me from God. I am only employed by God and am quite happy with my payroll. The person however who might be upset, is God Himself, because He loves the good news about Him being shared.

So, today as I sent out my weekly devotional, I gave an option again to unsubscribe. It will be interesting to see how many unsubscribe, and if some do then it will be more work for me as all who do will give me more prayer issues. Just means that I have to spend more time in prayer, praise God for that.

I kinda feel sorry for people who know God but don't spend time with Him. And I feel absolute remorse for those that have no interest in knowing Him, what a loss in their lives and how miserable and dark they must feel inside. Oh how we need to pray for them so that they may see God's awesome light instead of their dismal dark!

Lets pray,
Father God, I pray for those in this world that choose not to acknowledge you or spend time with You. Lord, I pray that You would fertilise the soil in their hearts and prepare for Your seed that needs to be planted there. For those receiving my devotional, Lord Jesus I pray that they would receive nothing but Your truths and love as they read them. I pray that the Holy Spirit would penetrate their hearts and keep the soil fertile as the seed grows into everlasting love and commitment for You. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

So Much!

Wow, long time no visit. Great to be back blogging.

So much has happened. Sadly, my cocker spaniel had to be put down. She had gone completely deaf, was partially blind, incontinent and the deciding factor was when her back legs collapsed.

When I look back I feel kinda selfish, where was her quality of life in the last days. However, in saying that, the worse she got the closer her and I grew. I just wanted to sit with her all the time to let her know how much I loved her, so much. Anyway, she must now be in heaven with all the rest of my pet family.

I reckon God must behave in more or less the same way when He sees us down. I would imagine He sits closer and holds on tighter just to let us know how much He loves us.

So, when you're feeling at the end of your tither, just know that God is closer to you at times like that because He needs you to feel safe in Him.

He loves us So Much.

Road rage!

Once again I was in the line of aggravated hooting this morning.

When I sit in bumper to bumper traffic, I normally keep about two car spaces behind the car in front and I make sure to keep all intersections clear for turning or verging traffic. I consider myself a courteous driver.

This morning was no exception to drivers who have no concern on the roads for anyone but themselves. Drivers who believe that the roads were made for them only and that anyone else using them are total destruction's who should be made aware of their intrusion.

It was a little red truck with a woman driver, actually a pool company vehicle with all the details splashed over the back and sides. Anyway, she became very frustrated with the spacing I keep and with the vehicles I was allowing through. We came to a straight and she decided to accelerate. With her truck revving, very highly, she started to pass me. I took this as exciting and I raced alongside her and then let her through.

I could just about see the smoke coming out her ears and she was swearing at me very badly with her fingers. This caused me to laugh and I started waving and blowing kisses to her. Wow, this made her more angry which I found even more amusing. We arrived at an intersection where I was turning and on passing her I hooted and waved, she again used hand signals to express how she was feeling. Her face was wrinkled and distorted as she frowned upon my attitude.

This seems to be a regular event in early morning rush and I find myself amused with the ability to smile but more importantly, I feel that prayers to convict them and deliver them out of their bondage of anger more appropriate.

They need prayers and blessings because drivers with such tempers have been known to take matters into their own hands and some may get hurt.

I know laughing is probably wrong as it triggers more anger but it is something I often can't help and I put it down to a nervous reaction. However, in saying that its wrong, I am so very happy that I am able to use the emotion that helps me to enjoy my day in a healthier and less stressed manner, unlike those drivers that for no reasonable reason, get so agitated with me. They should actually laugh with me, it would certainly help them and cause them a lot less stress.

A message to all of them from me, "chill out and rather use your wasted angry energy on much needed prayers for yourselves , your families, nations of the world and more so for other drivers that suffer with the same road rage that you do."

I pray for all road rage sufferers, that God would help you to settle down in traffic and use the time spent in bumper to bumper situations as special prayer and meditation time for Him. I pray that God would loose on you bags and bags of smiles that will cover your faces and invade your hearts. I pray for your health and happiness. Please forgive me for making a joke of your anger and I pray that God would help me to rather just smile and wave my hand in acknowledgement and allow you to take over what you believe is yours. I pray that God would help me then to pray for you as you drive ahead of me. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Time!

Time is moving so fast with weeks seeming like they have very short days. Months are flying by too with each month feeling like they have been cut short.

Its already Valentines tomorrow and we just got over Christmas, wow.

Anyway,as long as we ensure to keep our time for Jesus, the rest of the time is not a problem. After speaking to God and asking Him to guide our day, we should just move with Him and trust in Him that our time will be significantly sorted, His way.

May God bless your time as He controls your every step, every breath and every minute of your day.

Stop it!

How often do you find yourself saying that, 'stop it?

When someone is doing something that really irritates you, you ask them to stop it, sometimes they will but on other occasions they will not. It becomes so irritating that you may even walk away or even raise you voice at them.

Then in reverse, you may be doing something that really irritates someone and they ask you to stop, do you, or do you ignore their pleas and carry on?

How often do you pray the same prayers, asking God the same old same old, as if He forgot about you asking already. Do you think He gets irritated and asks you to stop?

I don't think so because otherwise He would walk away from us and we would definitely feel the effects of that. He would never tell us to stop asking if we ask within His will and He understands that sometimes we have issues that we so badly need sorted, that we can't help but to keep asking for His help. He loves us and does not get irritated when we pray and ask within His will.

So the next time you ask someone to 'stop it' when they are in need, do as Jesus would and reassure them that you heard and will try to help, instead of walking away or raising your voice.

However, if there is someone poking you in the side, not stopping when you ask them to 'stop it', and irritating you beyond irritations, its OK to raise your voice a bit as you tell them to, 'stop it', and to walk away is exactly what I would do.

God Knows!

There are so many Christians who walk this earth with their own perceptions and beliefs of how we should act and behave as followers of Jesus Christ.

Some believe that marriage is an absolute no no which is wonderful for them because there are many sinful ways that they will naturally avoid. This helps their minds to be clearer and more focused on God.

Some believe that its about the clothes you wear that makes you a true follower.

Some believe going to church 2 or more times on a Sunday, attending every church meeting during the week, going to more than one bible study group a week and so on, that they are doing it right.

Some believe that reading their bible every day without fail will be their ticket into heaven.

Oh, and the list could go on forever, because there are so many different perceptions.

Sure enough, I agree that our dress code should be appropriate but not ridiculous, and that going to church is very important for growth and fellowship. I think a bible group is awesome and that reading God's word is imperative.

However, I truly believe that it is most importantly, above everything, about the state of our heart, about the love we have for Jesus Christ, about our admiration and joy of His presence in our lives. I believe that when we accept Him as our first and foremost in everything, that everything else just falls into perspective. When you love Jesus and read and understand His laws, its easy to fall in line with His expectations of our lives.

So, if others try to smother you with their beliefs and their ways, ask God to intervene and reveal the truths to you because.........., God knows!