I LET MY GUARD DOWN!

As the glands in my neck expanded, so the pain crept in, this was the start of my Monday morning. It was not too bad, although swallowing what seemed to be rough germ balls was no fun. My left ear felt like it had a blowtorch that triggered every time a swallow was initiated. Somewhat uncomfortable but livable.

This continued through to Tuesday and by evening I felt that the germs had lost me, their victim, after defeat by the vitamin C that I had absorbed in tablet form. So, I let my guard down and stopped all the defense devices that I had implemented. I then got on the phone and spent a good 30 minutes plus talking and laughing so much, not even thinking about my recent viral enemy.

Wednesday began with the start of a nightmare. The glands in my throat had been attacked during the night, whilst there was no defense force in sight. They were severely swollen leaving less than a narrow passage for food, but more so, for speech and swallowing. Every swallow accommodated huge sand paper coated fireballs. They arrived from nowhere and landed at the back of my tongue causing a need to swallow. As the muscles in the throat adhered to this need, the fire balls rolled down and back up as if on a mission to cause as much pain as possible. The blowtorch in my ear had divided and was now blowing continuous streams of fire from the base of both ears right to the opening. This was a raging battle and one I knew I had to now live out all because I let my guard down. By midday, there was no speech that was able to exit and the fire balls intensified in size and numbers..., it was horrific.

Thursday rolled in after a sleepless pain staking night, and by now the fireballs had improved their design to make their attack as effectively awful as possible. They had moved into the chest cavity and had managed to secure what seemed like bungee ropes onto the base of the chest. Their weaponry had improved too as the sandpaper had been replaced with ferocious killer like spikes. They lined up in huge numbers with a strategy plan that brought tears to my eyes. It was as if they all jumped around together, achieving their desire of creating an itchy scratchy irritation which caused the inevitable..., a cough. This allowed air to leave my lungs creating a vortex that flung them up and through the vocal passage and into and out the throat area. Just as they reached the mouth opening, the bungee cord forced them to retract and forcibly retreat back down the vocal passage. During their flight, both ways, the spikes ripped into the surrounding swollen gland tissue, savagely throwing raging burning flames, as fireballs do.

I tried not to cough or swallow but was losing terribly. The vitamin C was being pumped back into my system but the army of these vitamins had a lot of work to do to achieve the fighting force needed to swamp and drown the disease riddled germ spiked fireballs.

Then came Friday with the ensuing battle still raging inside of me. This battle was exhausting and sleep a difficult task. The vicious fireballs continued their attack whilst the vitamin C was building an internal firewall that would hopefully resort them to nothingness. Most importantly though, would be the answer to the prayers for my healing.

Saturday dawned and the nasty fireballs had lost so much power that speech, swallowing, yawning and eating had become somewhat easier. Their army was dwindling, they were being defeated and their immense power was diminishing. By Saturday evening, the only thing left was brusied open wounded tissues and a sore throat. Nothing in comparrison to the nightmare those viral spiky fireball germs had caused.

It seemed evident to me that I let my guard down, but Idid not, it was my loving awesome Father God who was blessing me with special time that He needed me to focus on Him. During those days that I was resorted to no speech and my bed, I was spirtually blessed with desires to write as God needs me to write. Having experienced a recent dry spell with writing and feeling that maybe God had given up on me as a chosen writer for Him, He allowed me to be in a rest induced place where I could not talk, but rather be still and rest in Him. I spend 2 1/2 days in bed, and during that time, I did not focus too much on the uncomfortable pain, but more on the desired inspirations to write and write, which I did for the glory of Jesus Christ. I believe He allowed this dilema because He needed me to be still and know that above all, He is God and He still requires me to write to glorify His name. I wrote more during this time than I have written in the last 3 months, for which I praise and thank my wonderful Heavenly Father God. I have no regrets of the fireball nightmare, only endless praises to God, for allowing me the wonderful time I enjoyed with Him.

So, when you think you are losing, know that in Christ you will never lose, for as long as you allow Him to work His will in You, you can comfortably rest in Him. In Him is the place that He wants you and me to be, no matter what battle may be raging in or around you.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.

HE WILL BE.... FOREVER !

On the 23 October, I wrote about a crash without the smash. After that, I proceeded to prepare for the callings of all those family and self things we do before we lay our heads down to rest at night. I went inside, ran a bath, was milling around when the phone rang.

Mike, my husband, (out of character) jumped up before any of us could to answer it, presumably as I thought because he was expecting a call. But it was not for him, it was for me. My older son Dustyn, who lives in the UK, was on the other end.

I always enjoy hearing from my boys, especially that we live so far apart with as much as 5 years between our last time together. So I walked over to speak to him. He had been dealing with some issues over there and it seemed as we spoke that he was encountering some more of the same.

He started by saying, "Hi mom..., mom, we have a problem in that we have no where to stay again for the next 3 1/2 weeks."

I answered, "oh no my darling, what now?" He continued, "well if you come and open the gate, I'll tell you all about it." Then he hooted and I heard the hooter over the telephone line.... and outside too. Insanity took over and I put the phone down and started wrecklessly screaming "Dustyn is here, he's at the gate." Cherise, Dustyn's younger sister, just stood staring, total disbelief in her face, "is this true', her eyes were asking with dead pan expression?

Mike was totally flustered and irritated by my behaviour, and threatened to beat the scream out of me and insisted that he was not opening the gate until I shut up, but I couldn't, this was too much for my mind to fathom. Goodness, I had not seen my son for 5 years plus. How could any mother be expected to behave in a sane manner. Cherise too, how could she behave like a good child, this was her brother at the gate, come on, get real!

The screaming eventually subsided and the door was opened so that we could open the gate for Dustyn. When I saw him, I ran and jumped on him and held on, just in case this was an illusion, I was not going to allow it to get away from me..., no way. He held onto me but could only laugh at how I was behaving. The last time I saw him he was a young lad of 18, now he was a man of 23..., wow. However, in saying this, I still saw the boy that I remembered.

He had decided to surprise me but Mike knew all about his intentions and of course planned it with him. What an awesome thing to do, what a wonderful way to cause happiness in my life. He stayed 3 1/2 weeks, had a wonderful time, and is now back home in the UK.

My younger son Cheyne, whom I also only saw about 5 years ago at the age of 16, is expected to be here early next year for a visit too, he is 21 going on for 22. Obviously I can't wait and maybe, just maybe he'll like it that much that he will consider moving back to this part of the world so that we can be together again.

Living apart has been very painful, the void in my heart growing over time into a huge wound infected cavity, with exposure of the 'apart' truth a painful daily reality. Sure, technology makes it so we can talk as much as we want and with webcams we can even watch live videos of each other, but it does not take away the pain of not being able to share the one on one quality time, the physical touch, to see their gorgeous faces in front of me, it's just not the same.

But with God, I don't feel that pain, I don't feel lonely, I don't wonder when I'm going to see Him again or if He will be online for me to talk to, I don't feel empty and don't sit and long for just a while together again. And that's because where ever I am, God is. He hears when I call and is able to fill any voids that may be exposed. He is able to satisfy any need I may have to spend some unexpected time with Him because He is forever available and waits on me to call Him when I feel needy. He is the essense of my fullness and with Him in my space, and me in His pasture, I feel no need for anything but more of Him.

So, it don't matter where I am, I will never be alone without God in close..., very close proximity. He knows my pain and is the only one that knows how to fill my deep inner needs when I am missing my boys or when I just feel down and in need of some REAL love.

The moral of this story is even though you may be away from your loved ones, God, the one who loves you more than any other, your Father eternal and amazing creator, is forever with you as He guides you to become His sheep in His awesome pasture. Go on..., call on Him and He will prove what I am saying as true.

Psalm 95:7
For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.

'BUMP... WITHOUT CRUNCH'

I have oh such an amazing story to share once again!

This one is about praying to Jesus, whom I trust in answering prayers that seek His divine intervention. Of how God honours His children and is always faithfully 'Immanuel', "God with us".

A couple of weeks ago, I was praying as usual for protection over my family, and on that day, without thinking anything of it, I prayed specifically for protection over our vehicles.

I don't normally pray for our cars as I am not in the habit of expecting our cars to suffer, heartache, pain, fatigue, or anything that us humans do.

Anyway, my day went on as usual, I went to work, achieved lots, stayed safe, and felt relaxed. Why wouldn't I, after my usual daily prayers of asking God to keep us all safe in the comfortable protection of Jesus' arms.

Arrangements for that day changed with regards the pick up of my daughter, for reasons that I can't recall. We needed to go shopping and I had to park in a parking spot I don't normally park in, because the parking lot was extremely busy. Whilst in the shops, we bumped into my bosses wife, whom my daughter had not yet met. Introductions were made, a little chit chat ensued, goodbyes expressed, and then we commenced in opposite directions with our shopping.

We checked out our shopping, paid the bill, and then walked out and over to the parking lot to my car. Whilst crossing the road, my bosses wife was driving out, she stopped her car for us to pass and I made a comment that we should stop bumping into each other like this. Her reply was, "it's a good thing we are not 'literally' bumping into each other". We laughed and continued once again on our different ways.

It was unusual for me to park my car forward into the bay. I normally reverse, especially after taking a course on defensive driving techniques against possible hijackers. I also find driving forward out of a parking more comfortable in the way of 360 vision.

On my drivers side, there was a huge double cab parked in reverse and the driver was sitting way above me, also waiting on traffic. It was a one way which made getting out the bay that much easier as cars only came from the right or behind.

I put my car into reverse, checked if it was clear and noticed that the car behind me was also reversing, so I went back into drive and moved forward. He did the same. I waited a while and it seemed he was waiting for me so I shifted gears to reverse. I started moving back but noticed that he was again doing the same. I quickly switched back to drive and was moving forward when suddenly I was hit from the left. It was a hard bump with the sound of crunching metal very obvious. My daughter and I felt the jolt and both had instantly huge white areas surrounding the iris of our eyes.

My head fell into my steering wheel, I desperately tried to hold back tears as I immediately thought about the insurance cover I did not have, about my car being unlicensed due to the foreign registration still pending, about the lack of monetary resources to even think about repairing my car.

Then I heard the guy in the double cab next to me shout out, "that man was not even looking, he just reversed straight back into you". Then another guy came running from across the parking lot and still another two different people, all claiming they saw what happened and that he was without doubt in the wrong. Of course the man who bumped me was in total denial, claiming it was all my fault.

I reluctantly got out my vehicle and started to move around to the passenger side to where the damage had been inflicted. The first image I saw was his car, this made me grimace and feel sick inside my stomach. His car was crunched quite badly, an indication of what I was not looking forward to with the inevitable damage on mine.

I walked slowly around, wishing someone would wake me from this nightmare, I walked and looked and kept walking and looking, dreading what my eyes were about to reveal. As I peered around, I could not believe what I was seeing, no damage at all, no crunched metal, nothing except a mark only just visible to the naked eye.

Unbelievable, a huge 'bump... without crunch'!

Now I really wanted to cry but this time for joy. I immediately praised God, thanking him profusely for Immanuel, 'God with us'.

I learnt from this experience that God sometimes gives us reason to pray specifically, just so He can show off His amazing love of us. He needs us to keep the faith and trust in what we ask, for He will honour and bless us for as long as we seek and live by His will.

Isaiah 8:8-15 (NKJV)
He will pass through Judah,
He will overflow and pass over,
He will reach up to the neck;
And the stretching out of his wings
Will fill the breadth of Your land,
O Immanuel

UNREHEARSED 'SOLO' MELODY!

Singing out loud has forever been a passion of mine. As a child I would learn the words, with ease, to all radio and television advertisements and songs, and sing along in melody with the artist. My siblings would complain and ask my mother to please put a plug in me, which she did in the way of LOUD 'shush' words. I realise it must have been annoying for them, but it was something I could not help, and still can't to this day. I just love to sing and if I hear it, and know it, I will sing without even realising.

I am truly blessed to be on the worship team at church, not because I think I can sing, but because of my passion. The enjoyment I get is when members of the congregation approach me and insist that they can see how much I love to worship. This makes me feel so good, just knowing that my love of singing is so obvious, especially as its songs that worship our Lord Jesus. This causes me to feel extreme humble joy and reminds me to give thanks to God, for it is only by His grace that I am on the worship team, with a willing voice, singing for Him.

I sing sometimes twice a month and we practice on Saturday mornings and then early Sunday before church, and wow do we have awesome fun, I just love it. We sing for the two morning services, and then a different team prepares for the evening one.

Anyway, I answer to the leader who tells me when, how and all that stuff. Because I sing melody, I follow them as best I can and learn to do this during practice. Sometimes I record the practice and then perfect it as best I can at home. However, there have been times that the leader will change the course, during the service, when I don't expect it, and I try follow as best I can without looking lost.

Then, what happens to most singers alike, in choirs and teams like ours, is what I experienced first hand...,we make unintentional unrehearsed solo mistakes. There we were, in the third song of the morning and the pianist started with the wonderful intro, and I as usual watched the mouth of the leader to see when to come in. This time though, I think I must have imagined his mouth moving because mine started, with sound, without him. As I started, so the congregation joined in with me. As I witnessed his silence and still mouth, so I went silent too, leaving the congregation hanging in a place of not knowing what was next. I felt the blood rushing to my face and was told afterwards that my blushing was very deep and obvious.

We had such a laugh as a team and the leader suggested afterwards, with a playful smirk of course, that my solo was nice.

What I learned from this experience, is that as much as we try and rehearse our lives according to how we believe God needs us to live, there will be times when we go solo without intending to do so. And I pray you will know, just as my worship leader expressed joy at my error, that God does too, for as long as we realise our mistake, stop in our tracks, and return to fall in melody behind Him again. It is through our mistakes that we learn to lean on Him more. After all, He is our solo Leader and Creator of everything, and the only melodious and wonderful way we should ever follow.

Ephesians 5:19 (NRSV)
as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts.

Sharing my boy stories!

This is a short video clip of my late darling Manx cat Kiara. As the clip clearly reveals, this boy was a joyful, funloving, cuddly, adorable and affectionate creation of our Mighty Lord. A little creation that offered unconditional love and a means of making life that much more desireable to share, for a wonderful period of just over 3 years.

In a previous post, I shared the tragic death of my other loveable Manx cat, Narla, who was attacked by dogs next door, dying two days later on the 20 June 2003. His death sent me into deep mourning for nearly a year. I figured later that because Narla was such a major distraction in my life, a distraction that kept me from my needful focus on God and then my family, I needed to reacess my priorities, put them in order and start living the life I needed to, firstly for Jesus and then my family. I did just that and I grew spiritually which helped me get over my mourning.

I still have one surviving Manx, Simba. This cat, unlike the other two, has a mind of his own and dictates when he is ready for any form of affection, rules by which we have learned to live. I had decided that the death of Narla was just too much and asked that my family kindly refrain from any attempts to replace him to which they agreed and stuck to this plea. Until October 2oo4, when Kiara revealed his cute self through a friend of my husband. He was conned into my hands and once I saw him, there was no turning back, I was sold.

Then on the 4 May 2008, the dog on the opposite boundary attacked Kiara, who then died from his injuries two days later, on the 6 May. I was once again torn apart with grief, but this time I gave my pain to God who took it and relieved me of the intensity that I had felt with Narla. By already having Jesus Christ as the number one priority in my life, understanding and dealing with my pain was a lot easier with His arms lovingly surrounding me.

Grief is a natural emotion which should be expressed to release the tension and pain deep within. However, when you ask God to help you cope, He eagerly steps in and endures the brunt of it, allowing you the space to cry within the safe, warm and welcome comfort of His arms. So, even though the pain is still there, God is in front of it, blocking out the deathly devastation that evil forces still desire to inflict on me. As I make Jesus my number 1, He makes protecting me His priority in my times of need, together with every other time too.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NRSV) The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Dry Period!

Let me explain that..., I have basically had soooo much happening which left me with a busy, unsettled and confused mind, rendering me at a loss to keep journals. Actually, should never have stopped in the first place, I know. But now I've had plenty time to re-adjust, and will endeavour to share as much as possible since my 'Dry Period' absence.

Where to start?

Okay, let me share one of the the most exciting events. In 2007, my husband attended the Mighty Men's Conference led by Angus Buchan. From that encounter he went from arrogantly lost to humbly found. The Holy Spirit moved into the empty space in his heart and has since then, transformed his life to one where he is a lover and believer of Jesus Christ. He loves life like never before because God has caused him to feel and enjoy unconditional love like he did not know.

He delves into, has faith in, believes in and follows the word of the Lamb. He is experiencing so much in faith and feels the works of God in his life.I am not in any way stating that my husband has suddenly become perfect, because he is still only human and as prone as we all are to sin. But now he suffers conviction of wrongs which is moulding him to the ways of His Heavenly Father.God has blessed me with the Christian man I prayed so long for, and I praise Him and glorify His precious name.

So, although I may experience dry periods in writing, my Lord Jesus Christ is ensuring that the Godly river flowing through my husband keeps me in the place every wife of a God driven husband needs to be, submissively honourable. (okay so I'm still a beginner but truly loving this new way of life that is clearly being controlled by God).

Lord Jesus, thank You for blessing me with the husband You so needed me to have in You. Thank You for answered prayers which have humbled him to be Your faithful servant. I pray that we would both continue to grow in You, in the rightful roles You have designed for us to live. I pray too for all marriages that are not yet fitting Your perfect design, that You would direct them within Your will, in Jesus name I pray amen.

1 Peter 5:5 (NRSV)
In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you must clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another, for, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Had It!
Before I signed in today, I had it, an awesome story to share, but because I left it, it's gone, leaving me with a supposed empty mind.

However, in saying that, I have prayed for God to give me something.......nothing yet so I will just wait..., excuse me whilst I wait on Him......................!

..................It's been about two minutes, although you will not feel the time I spent listening to my Heavenly Father. What came to mind is about a friend I have acquired through an online Ezine that we both write for, namely, 4Him2U. She is a wonderful lady, and as I have read between the lines in her emails and our online bible studies, I have noticed a bubbly expression. So, I perceive that her and I come from a similar creative streak within God's design of man in His image.

All the contributing writers are awesome ladies, all with wonderful different designs. However, He gave my new friend and I both curly hair, and after an email discussion, I was inspired to write this poem for us and all those blessed with whatever hair God designed.

PURELY CURLY!
For every single hair on our head
God’s finger on every one did tread
He gave some just a straight line
And others lots of curl like mine
Then with some He created a wave
All these in many colours He gave
To those blessed with it all straight
I wonder what character they dictate
And those He gave a simple wave
Don’t know what manner they behave
But one thing I know about my curls
Is that every one twists and twirls
With every curl hosting a bubble of joy
Of playful mischief and a happy ploy
So I thank God for my curly story
And to Him give all praise and glory!

Luke 12:7 (NKJV)
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

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The message here is no matter who you are and what design God blessed you with, He loves you so much and values you as His own special creation. So, if you feel sometimes that you don't like the hair on your head, or the freckles on you nose, or your flat feet, or your long fingers, or your round face, or whatever it may be, just remember, you were specially crafted by the one who adores you more than you will ever imagine, so much so that He even died a gruesome death, just to save you from Hell. His name,....Jesus Christ.

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Oh Lord, our wonderful Jesus Christ, thank you for how we are made in Your imagine, perfect in Your eyes. Not how man perceives, but rather as You perceive. Let us forever acknowledge that it is not about us and our critical views, or other man's critics, but rather about You and the hope we have in Your love, acceptance and eternal gift. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Passwords!
Compliments of this wonderful New Year to all you, my readers, and may the choice love of Jesus Christ not be your New Years resolution, but rather a deep desire within the deepest part of your being.

I was trying to log into this account and had to reset my password. The reason being is that I have many sites and many passwords and often fail to remember who what or why! Anyway, I learnt some time ago to write them all down so that if I do forget, I can check back on my list. Obviously this form of recollection worked because here I am telling you about it. However, it took time and wasted valuable time that I could have been writing.

Imagine if God had the same brain as us and had to write our names down because of constant memory loss. This world would be in total chaos because He would be so busy checking up on who prayed what or who did whatever or who is that, and so on. He would not have time to answer the prayers that He so faithfully does, and He would not have time to comfort us in times of dire need, and He would not have time to even listen to our desperate pleas, disasters would inevitably prevail!

So when I was hunting for my password, I felt a need to share some amazing facts about our Lord Jesus Christ and His mightiness:

• We will never be what He is!
• We will never know what He knows!
• We will never see what He sees!
• We will never understand life as He does!
• We will never be perfect like Him!
• We will never have the amazing powers He has!
• We will never be flawless like Him!
• We will never love like He loves!
• And we will never have His brain or His memory!

The list of His mightiness is endless, and I praise Him that He knows us each by name as well as the hairs on our heads. His love is so immense and intense for us His children. The point I am trying to reach is that I am so very grateful that I am more than a password to Jesus Christ, I am His child and He knows my name, just like you are His child and He knows your name too, and He will never forget them and will never have to look them up.

John 10:3 "To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out." Matthew 10:30 "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (NKJV)

Lord Father, thank you that we are not passwords to forget. Thank you that You know us by name and that whenever we call on You, You are faithfully there without delay.We love You Lord, more than anything ever, in Jesus name we pray, amen.